Maybe I'm the Biggest Loser

Inspired by the near finale Biggest Looser (and by the Buffalo Exchange Earth Day Sale)I made a good faith effort to go through half my clothes and throw away the stuff I don't or wont wear any more. (By throw away I mean donate). It is absolutely devastating for me. I am a very sentimental gal, as you may or may not realize and I put so much identity in the way I dress.



I mean not in a stupid Fashion is Art Top Model sort of way. But I mean in a I project everything I am into my clothes- the outward projection of my inner turmoil. Half of my closet is clothes that are too dear to even wear anymore (I won't get into the gritty details, but going through the shirts and jackets and faded dresses I was happy and sad and wistful, nostalgic to the highest degree, the feeling of the different fabrics so reminiscent of different times of my life.)



BUT anyway two big trash bags later, I am about half way through. It is so hard, I have to make a deal with myself that I A) can keep the clothes for a little while in the bags, to see if I miss them and B) that I don't have to throw the clothes away, I will donate them so they can go live happy second lives with someone else.



Does this make me foolish? Perhaps. But it is hard too, and perhaps it is not so bad to put trust and love into tangible things

You should have a press pass

It seems more and more often when something out of the ordinary happens (a car crash, a stampede, someone gets naked. . . whatever) they are immediately surrounded by a mob of people with cameras (or cellphones) standing with their shoulders back, arm outstretched to the full length something like this:












All the time! When someone famous walks by, at concerts, when there is a fire, when there is a baby deer. We have created a society of paparazzi but what are we documenting everything for? And why have we removed ourselves by the filter of the camera? We are no longer engaging in tragedy/adventure we are just documenting it. . .like a whole city of Lelaina Pierces.

this whole thing was inspired by the new Matt and Kim video which is awesome which you can check out here but at the end the gal gets thrown to the ground pretty brutally as it is captured by a fat lady with a camera phone

The Swine Flu Day One: A day in links

Kingsford Goes to the Beach - video powered by Metacafe

Every Body Panic

And Don't Go to Mexico

This whole thing reminds me of John Bevridge talking about THE GLOBAL PANDEMIC and holding his hands up and wide apart like he was reading the words in lights

Despite having a skelton made of adamantium, Wolverine cancels all appearances in Mexico

The Real World Cancun must shut down filming (so: Wilma, 9/11 and now the Swine Pandemic, does MTVs the Real World have the worst luck ever or what? OR is someone at MTV headquarters connected in more evil ways that we thought?)

We've been through this before

THe first pictures of the infected are released to the public

AHHHH! No! You think I'm kidding but I am not. I have been flipping out all day. It is like the begining of a movie, a terrible one at that :(

Inedia

You learn something new every day! This is a real thing!

My question is. . . why would you want to live that way!?

As you probably know Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch is being broken apart and sold in pieces at auction! What you may not know is that most of it is available for purchase by the general public via Internet auction! (Thanks Max for the link!)

And while I would probably never actually buy anything from the MJ auction, it is certainly fun to look at his extensive collection of creepy children statutes and baroque furniture. BUT if for some reason your name is Richard Branson and you are feeling charitable, please please will you buy me this Ripley's Believe it or Not PinBall table? As you know it is one of my life dreams to own a PinBall table, preferably this one once played by Michael Jackson

Lobsterfest

If you have talked to me in the last month, you may have been subject to my intoxicated late night phone calls attempting to persuade you to pick me up to go to Red Lobster with me for Lobsterfest.

SO I finally got to go. Red Lobster created lots of strong emotions in me, unexpected feelings of weirdness. Lobsterfest was in fact really delicious. Although maybe my heart was going to stop from total butter saturation, I ate so much cheddar biscuits and shellfish I felt like the lobster had come back to life and was going to claw its way out of my stomach.

HOWEVER, because I never have been to a red lobster (except for that one time ten years ago. . .so that doesn't count) I experienced something similar (parallel is maybe a better word) to culture shock. Something about the half full lobster tank , the dark wood paneling, and the artificially weathered nautical signs freaked me out. Mostly it was the idea that at each of 651 US (and 29 in Canada) everything was exactly the same. The same half full lobster tank witht he rubber ban claws, dark wood paneling, and artificially weathered nautical signs, bored looking hostess, elderly couple, stressed out family of five, second dates, silverware wrapped in paper napkins slightly worn carpet etc etc, perhaps varying slightly by ethnicity and economic class, but not by much I feel. Of course this is the experience at most resturants I go to, but I had not realized it in such a profound way until then.

As punishment for driving all the way to Lynnwood for this adventure, my friend assured me most of the way home that the lobster I ate was certainly from the tank at the front that I cooed at so intently while we were waiting for our table. Can you imagine what it would be like to meet your meat every time you ate?! Would you be able to stand it? Or would it become passe.

OH MAN and did I tell you I also saw Fast and Furious that same night!? IT was amazing. Truly fantastic. Vin Diesel was embarssingly muscular in shirts embarssingly small. Oh man, so so good.

Hit me baby. . . no really hit me. . . I want you to hit me as hard as you can

As you may or may not know Britney Spears was recently in Seattle and my office of "music aficionados" was divided pretty evenly between people who were against the show on principle that it was Brittney Spears OR people who went to the show and justify it as a so-called guilty pleasure. I side with Chuck Klosterman in the opinion that there are no such things as guilty pleasure.

As far as it is "punk rock" to make fun of people who enjoy Britney Spears music, if you feel your tastes are elevated to the point of doing this, you must surely then be able to recoginize her importance as a cultural icon and how her complete lack of talent is exactly what elevates her worship to the perfect example of what is post modern

Last Sunday, the glittered hoards decended upon the Tacoma Dome, the great tit of the Northwest to see a woman that while claiming to be a musician has never claimed to have any ability to perform music perform a concert where no effort is made to even conceal the fact that no musical instruments are being played or songs being performed in anyway. It is like a scene out of Brave New World (like the super groovy Made for TV version, with Lenoard Nimoy) or maybe some better example of a dystopic future that I can't think of right now. But you know what I mean. Anyway I find if fascinating and depressing all at the same time, not least of which because I was not one of the lucky ones to get tickets.

In the tradition of extreme home makeover

AND the Olympics I did not make it 1 minute into this video before I started to well up. . .



From the always excellent Videogum!

This is hands down my favorite picture of Kurt Cobain. I feel like it could easily be a picture of me.

never to be seen again, always to be seen again

I just finished reading this article, 11 Extinct Animals That Have Been Photographed Alive which I found to be incredibly lovely and sad

There is a store across from Alderwood Mall called H-Mart- that I visited recently. I was having dinner with my friend Kendra, who told me she had found a place to buy whole pheasant as a treat for her kitten Nagi. What she described sounded so wonderful that we adventured there that same night.





H-Mart is an "Asian Food" Grocery store that evolved into an enclosed mini-mall (would this just be a small mall?) There is a bank, a food court, a jewelry store, an event hall, a bank, etc although it is unclear to me if all these smaller stores are under the same ownership. We were there around 9:30 right when everything was closing and the proprietor did not seem pleased with our giggling exploration

The grocery store was the largest segment of the H-Mart whole by far. I was struck by A) how beautiful and bright the product packaging was and B) the incredible product variation.

For example SALT:

I was struck by how dreary the United States must seem in comparison to, if this store is an accurate sampling, someone from Japan who is visiting

CANDY:

Of course to my sheltered sensibilities the most amazing part was the meat and fish section which was huge and was where one could buy whole birds, freeze dried whole minnows, exotic mollusks etc. and most impressively an entire giant octopus for (we think) $40

I desperately wanted to buy this, but I could not figure out how that transaction would pan out once I was home. Most likely I would disect it and turn its limbs to art and then a cat snack

Lets get real

I am facinated by the idea of reality tv, but I am AMAZED at the juggernaut (I wanted to go with Leviathan, but that doesn't seem quite right does it?) it has become. I was just overwhelmed (and inspired!) by this website that organizes open casting calls for "reality tv show." It seems that reality tv participant may in fact be a viable option for a carrer path in the future if not now. Enjoy the appropriately named: http://orwellproject.com/

***

I read any article about a program called "Freedom" that disables the internet from your computer for a certian lenght of time of your choosing from five mins up to eight hours. How delicious. Her article is extremely great, self-reflective, funny and interesting my favorite line being: "I have found exactly how hungry -- and temporarily starved -- I've become for all the instant information I'm so used to having at my fingertips." Bingo

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/04/01/freedom_traister/

***

I feel like I am about to go on the best blind date of my life. I have que'ed up a bunch of DVDs and documentaries by Earl Morris who I have never even heard of before Monday but now I am kind of in total love with and I am so nervous his 12 part interview series wont live up to my expectations! After all Roger Ebert has said, "After twenty years of reviewing films, I haven't found another filmmaker who intrigues me more...Errol Morris is like a magician, and as great a filmmaker as Hitchcock or Fellini"

http://errolmorris.com/

This Elvis Perkins Album is so good it makes my face hurt a Blog in two parts

Here are some old blogs that have been siting as drafts waiting to be finished but will probably never be finished:



March 18th, 2009

Over the weekend I watched for the first time in a long-ish time Reality Bites. I love that movie so much. When it first came out I looked up to the characters as these marvolus role models of what "life" was "really like" then when I was the same age as them, I took comfort at chacters who really were just like me, scraping by, confused, dislliusioned etc. Now, as adult-ish it is funny because I realize how much that movie makes fun of those small chacters just as now I would.

I am savagely unplesant today but unapologieticly so. Perhaps it is because I am just now coming to terms with the fact I will never be a hand model. I am greatful however (as you should be) that I don't have the psychic abilities of say Drew Barrymore in "firestarter" or any number of the X-(wo)men because i would be incierating nice folks left and right

March 21st 2009

I realized on my next birthday I will be 27. UNfathomable.

I have had a wonderful kind of day today. Have you been to The Ave lately? It's kind of awesome now. There are all kinds of wonderful stores, including a GoodWill (and if by chance you are reading this Tamar, I DID go to Crossroads but it wasn't nearly as fun this time!) and no one asked me for change, and only one or two people I passed had tattoos on their faces (neither of which I mind, but have been listed as draw backs in popular alternative publications) BUT anyway I have been saying this forever but no one will believe me!

And sorry independent record stores, I really tried to buy this record which I am listening to right now (Ash Wednesday by Elvis Perkins) at you, but I couldn't find it (although I did very much enjoy listening to your employees debating Rhianna vs. Non-Abba Swedish Pop, but alas there was no jar to tip them for this service)

On the bus today a man of questionable domicile began to hiss at the woman sitting across from him. It was clear that his sense of what was "real" in relationship to everyone elses notion had melted in a serious. As I watched the hissing and eventual swearing and menacing glances I wondered if he knew he was "crazy" in the traditional sense and I feel like the answer is no. This makes me wonder: How far could we all be from this "norm", after all we have no reality measuring stick with which we can compare our coordinates

February 28th 2009

http://io9.com/5162582/several-mysterious-human-placentas-found-in-illinois-sewer-system If that isn’t the first line of a short short story I am afraid I don’t know what is.

After my friend Brian’s Birthday on Saturday Night, perhaps early Sunday morning I was very hungry and stopped by the gas station near my house to pick up something. When I walked in, the store clerk (a large man with a large beard and a thick accent) greeted me “oH oh! Hello beautiful lady! You are a very beautiful lady” I thanked him and went about my business. While reviewing the options in the frozen burrito department some one tapped me on the shoulder, I spun around frightened. It was the clerk. He handed me a Snickers Bar and kissed my cheek, then wrapped his arms around me exclaiming “Hello Hello pretty lady! It’s is my birthday!” and asked me if I would like a beer. While I share excitement for birthdays all around, I am not a fan of anyone touching me; well basically ever. I pushed him off of me, wished him many happy returns and left

This is one of the best story I have ever heard http://jezebel.com/5162000/weta-workshop-designs-mermaid-tail-prosthetic-for-amputee


Footnote: Cheezy Rice! The spelling in this blog is appalling!

I thought this was going to be the best invention ever

BUT IT JUST MAKES ME FURIOUS!! I hate these guys now!!
..

THat is not a sandwich!! THat is nothing.

Octopus Doin'-It

The light switch in my bathroom is starting to falter and the other day my shower was plunged into blackness. Naturally I assumed it was someone arrived to kill me and the first thing that popped into my head was “Oh great the last song I am going to hear is this stupid SOS song by pop starlet now best known as a battered woman and when the police investigate the crime scene, one will have to reach over my hacked up body to turn off the shower radio tuned into generic, female-centric pop station. My secret would be out.

Am I the only person who thinks Anna Wintour’s wig is really bad? I feel like we should expect more. . .


It’s finally happened. After literally years of fighting instinct I have started avoiding social events because I am uncomfortable walking around areas of Seattle at night alone. I don’t know if it is because of the recession or simply because I am getting older or what but the heart of downtown, even areas that were once “ok” like the Nordstrom corridor, have become increasingly creepy. I feel like that goat in Jurassic Park.

After seeing the Audyre Sessions Last Sunday night (who were great by the way) I went to get cash out of the ATM and I got this message


Hey, thanks. Now even computers feel free to help me out only when they feel like it.

In other news, Aleistar the cat is (hopefully) in the height of his angst-ridden adolescence and has taken to spending long periods of time starring out the window like a teenage girl.


OH and let me tell you something else. I went to Octopus Week at the Aquarium on Sunday. It was fantastic if not packed (the highlight being able to use the MEMBER entrance and the MEMBER line as I am officially now a card carrying member of the Seattle Aquarium Society). Octopus week serves as a small example of what I love about aquariums. Each year the Aquarium raises a male octopus specifically to make him with their female Octopus on February 14th. They decorate the outside of the tank with hearts and flowers, play romantic music and in an unexpectedly kinky twist, they invite members of the public to come watch. Then on February 15th (and I saw this part!) they release the make Octopus into The Puget Sound (that’s the body of water I’m thinking of, right?) and escort him to an inviting rock pile under the aquarium where a veritable colony of jilted cephalopod lovers has sprung. How fantastic and. The ceremonial Octopus release is great two. They roll him down a long boardwalk in a decorated bucket past throngs of his adoring fans, down a gangplank and then . . . they just dump the bucket into the water SPLOOSH.

I think I am against Twitter, although I am not 100% sure yet.

And what is tumblr? Do I need one of those?

I tried two new foods in the last week, which is something I don’t get to say very often:
Bibimbap


And greek yougart with honey


And I am pleased to say I was simply delighted by both!

25 things I wrote for facebook

Once, you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things. At the end, you choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. My patron is St. Patrick, who is also the patron saint of snakes and beers
2. I have reoccuring dreams of tidal waves
3. Like XXXtina, Heather and half of the Beatles, I am also left-handed
4. Pine trees are my least favorite tree
5. I’ve never cheated at a board game
6. I have been a vegitarian for 10 years, but the first thing I would eat if I stopped is Fried Chicken
7. I kiss my cat on the lips
8. I DO judge people by their musical choices
9. My idea of a perfect first date is going to Aquarium and the record store and then delicious food
10. I may pretend like I have elevated tastes, but the only thing I like to watch on TV is the trashiest trash
11. I’m a science fair champion (more than once)
12. I can knit, but only variations on square things (scarves, table runners, potholders, coasters etc)
13. I know all the dance moves to The Brady Bunch Family Song "Keep On!"
14. The most expensive article of clothing I own is my Doc Martin MONSTER Boots. the second most expensive article of clothing I own was only about $35 (My converse)
15. Sandwiches are my favorite food
16. I wrote and directed a full length play for children
17. Writing Blogs makes me feel less lonely
18. I don’t wear make-up because because I feel it gives girls an unfair advantage over boys in terms of being good looking
19. I am very impatient,but that’s only because I get so excited
20. One of my life goals is to walk across hot coals (and to climb out the top of a stalled elevator)
21. I was almost an anthropologist
22. I have no tolerance for rudeness
23. My ears are pierced eight times
24. I feel like I grasp the magic of both objects and spaces
25. Like Keith Richards, I understand that while the rock is important, of equal importance is the roll

Dear Marlin Fishermen (and women)

Fuck you.
I am going to start caring big fucking hooks around with me so that if I ever meet you I can hook your face.



I am not 100% positive this is true,by the way. I went to the website but I am not sure. Also, if anyone wants to buy me that tee shirt that would be pretty awesome!

Sweet Dreams

Do you, like me wonder how calendar stores stay in business February through November? Does this curiosity then lead you to wonder how inflated the cost of calendars must be?

If you are a nerd like me you will probably like this movie, it is a little long but a delight the entire time.

Ann Coulter is acting like a C word

C is for Crazy!

I try to stay apolitical (as a good anarchist) and so I title this without any liberal bias- that being said have you seen this video of Ann Coulter on the Today Show? I mean just watch a little of it:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

(full disclaimer: while not passing political judgement I am 100% team today show and had Ann Curry been conducting the interview I would wager that Ms Coulter would have to have her jaw wired shut again. Also for the record I have strong opinions about Ann Coulter politically that I will not disclose but feel free to contact me offline if you are really interested)
SERIOUSLY, are you Five years old Ann? Or worse 14? You are behaving like a rejected highschool student who when backed into a corner only talk louder, clinging and repeating a half-truth. She may be a genius in some regard because I can't stop watching this (in the same way that I can't stop picking at a scab) embarrassment for her washes over me.


I read an interesting article about a woman who's PMS is so severe that her husband of 17 years left her, citing that very fact as the singular reason for his departure. The woman claimed ignorance that anything was out of the ordinary with her until the very moment he left her, received treatment and six months later they are reunited and happier than ever. This story reads almost like a fortune cookie "An action you perceive as normalcy in actuality is devastating for everyone around you"

Unlike this woman I am very conscious of my own inability to contain my gloom, projecting a virtual little black rain cloud of despair. Guess what - I am unapologetic.

Speaking of being emo: This is a real website and I could not be more disappointed that I am only finding it now and NOT ten years ago when I was 16.

This makes my heart soar